A few days ago I received a question through my blog about VIDEO # 1, in which I mention the importance of self-confidence in our lives.
The question was this: “Though we have indisputable value as human beings, and though we have charisma and we are unique, why don’t we believe in ourselves? What kind of beliefs causes this result in us?
The question is to the point and I would like to offer an answer below.
When we are born, we gradually begin to interact with the world around us and through this interaction we discover our potentials and talents. Let’s observe how children up to about 5 years old behave. They exhibit lots of happiness, self-acceptance and confidence for every new achievement, small or big.
Most importantly, they recognize their achievements and experience innate joy over them.
We realize, then, that when we are born we have an innate knowledge of our worth and we treat ourselves with genuine love and deep respect.
So what happens when we move away from this childhood and reach adulthood? Why is it that later in our lives we notice our self-esteem is gradually shrinking or it is being heavily attacked?
What actually occurs is our “education”. In the process of this education there are often some mistakes made by our educators, whether these are the parents or the teachers or the wider family or the community in its entirety.
I have identified four key educational mistakes that lead to the erosion of our self-esteem and the establishment of negative beliefs that limit human progress.
A first mistake is overprotection. It has been noted that parents and guardians of a child who are overwhelmed by fear, insecurity, lack of organization, or lack of energy, end up limiting their child’s actions. Without this action children are deprived of the opportunity to interact with the environment, learn through experience, enhance their self-confidence, and discover and cultivate their skills.
On the contrary, children end up confined within the caveat of overprotection. This causes them insecurity, irritability (due to their creative energy not being used) and often anger and frustration.
When a parent exclaims, ” You can’t do this” or “That is not for you; let me do it”, they may have good intentions. However, what the child receives and perceives is: “I’m not good enough to do what the parent does. He/she is skilled and capable and I will never be able to reach his/her potential. ”
When overprotective behaviors are repeated every day during a child’s upbringing, a network of negative beliefs is gradually reinforced. As a result, child’s creative potential is continually limited until they reach adulthood when he/she treats creativity and goal-setting with hesitation and fear. This essentially means he/she will often procrastinate when it comes to putting goals into action to better his/her life.
So this is the first mistake I have noticed leading to the birthing of negative beliefs.
A second mistake has to do with the way we address children. The words or phrases we use when we speak to children are often filled with negative and derogatory messages such as “you’re a stupid kid”, “don’t act like an idiot”, “you behave badly”, “are you that useless?”,“let me do it, you will just mess it up”,“you will never succeed in anything in your life ”and so on.
By these expressions, instead of encouraging the child and talking to her/him in such a way as to highlight his or her skills and experiences, we are launching a verbal torrent of violence against them. If this is done on a daily basis, the child comes to believe these abusive words are true. From my experience, I know that such conversations are stuck in the minds of many of my clients and while we work together towards healing, they discover with surprise and awe how these words have malformed their lives.
A third mistake I have identified is related to children observing how adults behave (parents and significant others). As we know from the sciences of psychology and ethics, the strongest way of transmitting knowledge to children is through the process of observation and imitation. Children observe everything around them with clear attention and absorption. Then they imitate these patterns. Anyone who comes into contact with children very easily can realize that. How the adults speak, how they eat and drink, how they treat animals, humans, and possessions, whatever activities they take part in, the child observes these behaviors and tends to reproduce them.
So, if the behaviors the kid observes and imitates are full of confidence, self-esteem and positive thinking, he/she will learn to behave as a confident, creative and positive adult as well.
If, however, the kid observes behaviors fueled by fear, hesitation, lack of confidence, and/or reluctance for creativity, then she/he imitates these behaviors and tends to apply them as adult life attitudes.
A fourth mistake I have detected in the child education system, both at home and at school, concerns the strong punitive attitude that we show toward children when their actions, words or behavior is considered to be wrong by adults. Instead of politely pointing out the appropriate action or behavior, instead of talking to children with encouragement and love, adults very often bluntly point out the erroneous action in aggressive and insulting ways. They completely omit to start their intervention by pointing out what kids have already done right (because no action can be totally wrong!). This unilateral criticism of pointing out the negatives rather than the positives, and in such a negative and aggressive way, reinforces the idea in children that they are not capable of achieving a creative goal, but are weak or unable to realize any action that can lead towards the scope they wish.
As you can see, through our educational system we often unknowingly neglect to lay the foundations of a robust framework of self-confidence and empowerment in children. On the contrary, we lay a framework of negative beliefs that tend to limit their creative potential in life. We need to be more aware of these destructive attitudes towards children so that we can provide them with a deeper understanding of how they can create what they want with joy and success. If we do, we will see more and more adults unleashing the counter-creative effects of negative beliefs and leading a happy and successful life.
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If you are keen to learn to spot the negative beliefs that limit the success in your life, get rid of them and boost your creativity and succeed, you can contact me via email: firstname.lastname@example.org
by phone: +30 6983 282 252 & +30 210 4675543 or by Skype.
My sessions take place at my offices in Athens and Salamina Island or via Skype and Hangouts.
After a longstanding career in research at the National Centre of Scientific Research of France (CNRS) and the prestigious Collège de France of Paris, I have spent more than a decade focusing my activity in the successful treatment of phobias, panic and stress disorders, as well as the personal development and reinforcement of personal strengths, soft skills and emotional intelligence. I am a trained and expert therapist of these conditions.
My therapeutic approach is based upon the application of scientific and psychotherapeutic proven techniques for a comprehensive and successful approach to dealing with the aforementioned issues.
I am a certified Cognitive Psychologist and a Member of the official Association of Greek Psychologists (SEPS). I am also a Certified Member of the European Federation of Psychological Associations (EFPA), and hold a European Certification of Psychological Practice (EuroPsy) in more than 19 countries of the European continent. I am also a member of the International Society of Emotional Intelligence and Member of the International Network of Teachers of CEB (Cultivating Emotional Balance).
I provide Individual Coaching and Therapy for Personal Development and Self Awareness, EQ education (including for the professional field), Life Coaching for successful living and career, Meditative Techniques for Mindfulness, Concentration, Relaxation and Equanimity, as well as group seminars on the topics of Personal Development, CEB, Life Coaching for Successful Living and Goal Setting.
I would be happy to hear your story.
Last modified: September 1, 2019